Lee: Everybody knows War.
[singing]
Lee: War! Huh! Yeah! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, sing it again, you all!
Carter: It ain't 'you all', it's "y'all"!
Lee: Yaw.
Carter: Y'all!
Lee: Yaw!
Carter: Man you sound like a Karate movie, y'all!
Lee: Yoll.
Captain Diel: Every now and then we have to let the general public know that we can still blow shit up.
Carter: You're God damn right.
Sang: The drop will be made tonight. The amount will be fifty million dollars.
Carter: Fifty million dollars? Man, who do you think you kidnapped? Chelsea Clinton?
Sang: We want twenty million in fifties.
Carter: Okay, twenty million in fifties.
Sang: Twenty million in twenties.
Carter: Okay, twenty million in twenties.
Sang: And ten million in tens.
Carter: Ten million in tens. Okay. Would you like fries with that?
Clive Cod: Let me tell you something, I don't know anything about that, so you can kiss my fat ass.
Carter: Clive, it would take me all day to kiss your fat ass.
Carter: We must be... must be a misunderstanding. I was sent down here for the big case. For the kidnapping. The little girl?
Carter: No disrespect, sir, but he's only gonna get in my way. If I'm gonna handle the situation for you, I'm gonna have to work alone.
Agent Russ: Carter, he *is* the situation.
Carter: That's why I don't have no partner, that's one thing I learned from my daddy.
Lee: Your father was a policeman?
Carter: Fifteen years LAPD.
Lee: My daddy also a policeman.
Carter: Your daddy was a cop?
Lee: Not a cop, an officer, a legend all over Hong Kong.
Carter: My daddy a legend too all over America. My daddy once arrested fifteen people in one night by himself.
Lee: My daddy arrested 25 by himself.
Carter: ...My daddy once saved five crackheads from a burnin' building, by himself.
Lee: My daddy once caught a bullet with his bare hand.
Carter: My daddy'll kick your daddy's ass all the way from here to China, Japan, wherever the hell you from and all up that Great Wall too.
Lee: Hey, don't talk about my father.
Carter: Don't talk about my daddy.
[Outtake]
Carter: You know that other stuff but you don't know his name?
Luke: Man, people tell me shit... Achoo!
Carter: What's wrong with you?
Lee: We can hang in my crib. I will show you my 'hood.
Carter: I've been lookin' for your sweet and sour chicken ass.
Lee: Ah! Beach Boys!
Carter: Oh, hell no! You didn't just touch my goddamn radio!
Lee: The Beach Boys are great American music.
Carter: The Beach Boys gonna get you a great ass whuppin'. Don't you ever touch a black man's radio, boy! You can do that in China but you can get your ass killed out here, man!
Carter: This is the LAPD. We're the most hated cops in all the free world. My own mama's ashamed of me. She tells everybody I'm a drug dealer.
Lee: You must take me to see Consul Han right away.
Carter: Man, just sit there and shut up! This ain't no democracy.
Lee: Yes, it is.
Carter: No, it ain't. This is the United States of James Carter. I'm the president, I'm the emperor, I'm the king. I'm Michael Jackson, you Tito. Your ass belongs to me.
Carter: This ain't no Democracy.
Lee: Yes it is.
Carter: No it ain't. This is the United States of James Carter. I'm the President, I'm the Emperor, I'm the King. I'm Michael Jackson, you're Tito. I own yo ass.
Waitress: For one?
Carter: No, for two, I'm here for a meeting with Mr. Juntao.
Waitress: I'm sorry I do not know Mr. Juntao.
Carter: Look maybe you don't understand, I'm Mr. Juntao's lawyer, legal advisor, he got into some shit again and he told me to come down here and I'm a very busy man, ain't got time to be down here this late but I'm down here, my wife want me to come home, my baby is shittin' all over the house, he needs diapers, would you please go get Mr. Juntao?
Lee: I like to let people talk who like to talk. It lets me find out how full of shit they are.
Carter: What the hell did you just say?
Carter: Get yo big Happy Meal Ass over in the corner!
Agent Whitney: Well as long as we're gonna humiliate someone, might as well be LAPD.
Lee: Whassup, my nigga?
Bartender: What did you just say?
Lee: Whassup, my nigga.
Lee: Leave me alone. A man like you could never understand.
Carter: A man like me?
Lee: You are devoted only to yourself. You're ashamed of being a police officer, you dishonor your father's name!
Carter: You don't know nothing about my father.
Lee: You said your father is a legend.
Carter: My father WAS a legend. My father was killed making a routine traffic stop in broad daylight by some punk who didn't want no ticket. His partner was supposed to get out of the car and back him up but never did. My father was just as devoted as you, and now he's dead, and for what? A traffic ticket and some punk? You tell me, where's the honor in that?
Lee: You believe your father wasted his life, that he died for nothing?
Carter: Prove me wrong.
Carter: [after watching Juntao fall to his death into a fountain] Whoo! You know he dead.
Carter: We have just received a threat on the building. We ask if you please exit the building as soon as possible and please do not panic.
[dead silence]
Carter: [shouts] Did you hear what I just said? Get your shit and go out the door!
Carter: It is not my job to be jumping on and off of buses, I don't do that, I am not Carl Lewis!
Carter: How long this flight?
Lee: Fifteen hours.
Carter: Fifteen hours? What are we gonna do for fifteen hours?
Lee: [Puts on head phones and begins to sing] Huh! War! Uh! Good God "yaw."
Carter: Oh, hell no! Stewardess! Get me another seat!
[meeting Lee at the airport]
Carter: Please tell me you speak English. I'm Detective Carter. Do you speaka any English? DO-YOU-UNDERSTAND-THE-WORDS-THAT-ARE-COMING-OUT-OF-MY-MOUTH?
[Lee just smiles]
Carter: I cannot believe this SHIT! First I get a bullshit assignment, now Mr. Rice-a-Roni don't even speak American. C'mon, man, my ride over here. Put your bag in the back.
[Lee pauses]
Carter: PUT-YOUR-BAG-IN-THE-BACK!
[Lee hands the bag to Carter]
Carter: No, no, no, you put your own shit in the back! I'm not a skycap!
Carter: I'm gonna kick your ass and then I'll take your ass to jail.
[Carter is riding in a tow truck pulling up to the Consulate; he meets the guard whose ass Lee kicked earlier]
Carter: Hey, man, y'all see a little Asian dude about this height with a steering wheel on his arm?
FBI Gate Guard #1: Go screw yourself.
Carter: What did you say?
FBI Gate Guard #1: I said go screw yourself.
Carter: You take your little sensitive ass up there and let me in. Get out of the way! Don't make me get up out of this truck! Man when I get up in there I'm slappin' somebody, I don't play that.
[Carter has ordered Chinese takeout]
Carter: Damn, Chin, this is some greasy shit. You ain't got no better food, like some chicken wings, some baby back ribs, some fries or something?
Chin: Chinese food, no soul food here!
Carter: I didn't say nothin' 'bout no soul food, I said you got some better food. I don't want that greasy shit. How you gonna sell a big box of grease?
[Chin conplains in Chinese]
Carter: [turns cross] I'm chilly a what?
Lee: [grabs Carter] Come on!
Chin: I'm no punk bitch.
Carter: I ain't no punk bitch, neither!
Chin: I'M no punk bitch!
Carter: I'm about to knock that hat off your head, Chin.
Carter: First Class, I like this, this is tight.
Steward: Can I take your jacket, sir?
Carter: My jacket? No, no, you can take this bag though.
Agent Russ: Carter, we're impressed with the great job you did yesterday, so when you get back there's gonna be an FBI badge waiting for you.
Carter: You serious? I don't know what to say. It's like a dream come true. I got an idea though, I got an idea. Why don't y'all take that badge and shove it up your ass. All up in your ass. I'm LAPD.
[Walks towards the plane]
Agent Whitney: Bitch.
[Carter has just been booted in the head]
Carter: ...which one of y'all kicked me?
Carter: I don't want no partner, I don't need no partner and I ain't never gonna have no partner. Did Kojak have a partner?
Tania Johnson: Yeah the fat guy.
Carter: Well he wasn't ever with him. Did Columbo have a partner?
Tania Johnson: Captain Diel ordered me to go with you on that bust because you needed bomb squad back up but once again you screwed me and you screwed yourself.
Captain Diel: Two officers were shot, one man lost a pinkie.
Carter: But didn't nobody die!
Captain Diel: You destroyed half a city block!
Carter: That block was already messed up.
Captain Diel: And you lost a lot of evidence!
Carter: We still got a little bit left.
Carter: Don't act like you don't know nothing, I'll take all your ass to the jail, right now if I don't get the answers. Ok. You think I am a fool, you are playin' me like a fool, Ok. Ok... Lee go outside it's gonna be a little dangerous in here.
Carter: I'm lookin' out for you when I reach the top. I'm gonna make you mayor.
Captain Diel: I'd rather you didn't.
Carter: C'mon! You got everybody excited about something being blowed up, and look at your little punk British ass.
[Carter has snatched a guard's gun]
Carter: Hahahahaha! You didn't know I could do that, did you? Put your hands up! Put your hands up! I ain't gonna kill you this time. I'm just gonna kick your ass!
[Carter kicks the guard and knocks him out with the gun]
Carter: You tell your friends about me.
Lee: Why would they not want my help?
Carter: Because they don't give a damn about you! They don't like you! I don't like you!
Lee: I don't care! I'm here for the girl!
Carter: The girl don't like you! Nobody likes you!
Captain Diel: [on the phone with FBI] Even if I had an extra man, who would want such a bullshit assignment? It's a disgrace to me! It's a disgrace to my department! It's a disgrace to...
[Carter enters the office]
Captain Diel: Dan, I'm sending someone right over.
Chin: I'm no punk bitch!
Carter: I'm no punk bitch neither!
Chin: *I'm* no punk bitch!
[Carter is trying to convince Officer Bobby to let him into the prison after-hours]
Carter: Bobby, didn't I look the other way that time you bought that bag of weed?
Officer Bobby: I was splittin' it with you!
Carter: Well, didn't I give you the bigger half?
Carter: [after killing Sang] Wipe yourself off, man. You dead.
[Sang throws a towel over a helpless Carter]
Sang: Now wipe yourself off. You're bleeding.
Carter: My baby's been shitting all over the house.
Agent Russ: Where the hell's Carter?
Lee: [handcuffs Lee to the steering wheel] Hey, what are you doing?
Carter: You ain't the only one with quick hands now, right? Wah!
Carter: [after suitcase opens and money falls from ceiling] Thank you God!
Lee: Carter! I can't hold any more! I'm slipping!
Carter: Hang on a minute, I'll go get help!
Lee: [shouts] Carter!
Carter: Ah, I was just playin' wit ya...
Soo Yung's Driver: Is there a problem officer?
Sang: No problem. Just rush hour.
[Sang in his police disguise pulls out his pistol and kills both of Soo Yung's bodyguards]
Carter: [sees a man smoking pot] Is this weed?
[starts smelling the joint]
Carter: You got a perscription for this?
Cigaweed Man: Uhh... it's uhh... uhhh...
Carter: Where's it at? I should take your ass to jail, you know that?
Cigaweed Man: For what?
Carter: For what? Look at this!
Cigaweed Man: That's nothing but a cigarette...
Carter: That's cigaweed!
Cigaweed Man: Well it looked like a cigarette...
Carter: You better have glaucoma.
Cigaweed Man: I do.
Lee: [yanks a cigarette from the Cigaweed Guy] That's bad for you!
[Tania is trying to defuse a bomb without killing all of them]
Tania Johnson: Roses are red / Violets are blue / Sugar is sweet/ And so are you.
Sang: [Looks at Carter's badge] FBI Huh?
Carter: FBI? No, I'm not FBI, I'm a security guard... at the mall!
Sang: [Motions to kill Carter]
Carter: Oh hell nah, he didn't mean that. He meant cut me loose!
Carter: [out-take, to Consul Han] What is this shit about your daughter?
[after Clive refuses to answer Carter, Lee steps in his way]
Clive Cod: Oh, you want some too? I'll give you all you want.
Lee: Give me a name.
Clive Cod: I ain't telling you shit.
[Lee takes out Soo-Yung's picture]
Lee: She's only eleven years old. I don't want her to die.
[Clive shifts his gaze]
Lee: Look at the picture! I don't care about him, I don't care about you! I care about the little girl. Give me the name.
[pause]
Clive Cod: [lowers voice] The guy's name is Juntao. I never seen him.
Lee: Where can I find him?
Clive Cod: Foo Chow Restaurant, Chinatown.
[He heads back to his cell]
Carter: Foo Chow Restaurant? Thank you, Clive!
Clive Cod: [to Lee] Get rid of this guy, he's gonna get you killed.
Lee: I didn't know you spoke Chinese.
Carter: I never told you I didn't, you just assumed I didn't.
Carter: I'm still the law around, clean it up... and brush your teeth.
[Det. Carter is on the phone with Cptn. Diel complaining about the crappy G-14 classified assingment given to him by the FBI]
Carter: Captain, I don't think this is funny. No, seriously, Captain. Now I ain't playin'. Call the FBI and tell 'em you made a mistake.
Captain Diel: I can't do that, Carter. I'm sure that you and Mr. Lee will have a nice time together!
[Cptn. Diel, Det. Johnson, and other cops laugh]
Carter: [getting angry] I'm warning you, man. You better call the FBI or I'm dropping his ass off at Panda Express.
Captain Diel: You drop this case, Carter, and you're suspended for two months without pay!
Carter: All right. Well, you can forget about bein' Mayor then.
Tania Johnson: Congratulations, Carter. Look like you finally got yourself a partner.
[Johnson hangs up; everyone is laughing]
Carter: Man, what you got me eatin'?
Lee: That's eel.
Carter: Is it good?
Lee: Very good.
Carter: What you got?
Lee: Camel's Hump.
Carter: What?
Lee: [enuciates] Camel's Hump
[Carter takes a bite of the eel while Lee eats his Camel's Hump]
Carter: Mmm! Kinda good. Needs a little Hot sauce, but it's kinda good though.
[as the guests are evacuating the Convention Center, Lee sees Sang, disguised as a server, handing a remote to Griffin. The truth come out: Griffin is Juntao]
Lee: Juntao.
[Lee chases after Griffin]
Lee: Juntao! JUNTAO!
Thomas Griffin: [holds the remote towards Lee, Consul Han, and the agents] Consul Han, six pounds of C-4 are wired to your daughter in a car outside.
[Lee and the agents back off]
Thomas Griffin: You know, before the takeover, most of these works were in the hands of a single private collector: me. I mastered my life to acquire and catalog these priceless piece that you see before you. And then in one fell swoop, it was taken away from me. But tonight, I shall be paid in full. Don't move! She dies if I press this button. Just be patient. My transportation will arrive shortly. Stay calm.
Captain Diel: [On the phone with the FBI] Well, even if I said anything, who would want the Bullshit job.
[about Carter]
Captain Diel: He's a disgeace to me, he's a disgrace to my department, he's a disgrace to...
[Seeing Carter coming in]
Captain Diel: Dan, I'm sending someone right over.
[Hangs up]
Carter: Cap'n, Cap'n, I know you read the papers this morning. They lie, you know I don't do nothin' like that, y'know how they exaggerate, they just want a story.
Captain Diel: 2 officers were shot, 1 man lost a pinky.
Carter: But, nobody died.
Captain Diel: You destroyed half a city block.
Carter: That block was already messed up.
Captain Diel: You destroyed a lot of evidence.
Carter: We still have some left.
Captain Diel: What you did was dangerous, and completely against policy, not only that...
[Leans over to him, calmly]
Captain Diel: You did a good job.
Carter: [In disbelief] What?
Captain Diel: Everybody is so image proned, a lot of the cops around here are afraid of their own goddamn shadow, I like an officer that can, lay it on the line.
Luke: [after Lee leaves the room, Carter laughs] Man, don't come up to my place and scare me like that, boy.
Carter: I'm just playing gimme a hug.
[Hugs Luke]
Carter: That was just a rookie, showin' him the ropes. Why you didn't come to church sunday?
Luke: I had some things to take care of.
Carter: Yeah, yah, com'ere. I need to know who this guy is who's goin' 'round town buying all these explosives and weapons.
Luke: I know nothin' about that, man.
Carter: Luke, don't tell me no stories, and the only reason I didn't bust your ass 'cause you're my cousin, and kill old Boosie.
Carter: Why are you putting Bossie in this?
Carter: Luke, I ain't playing, man. I know she gotta bad heart, but if I have to I'll bust your ass. Tell me something.
Luke: There's news goin' 'round Chinatown that there's this new dude in town. Bad ass dude outta Hong Kong, buying up every goddamn thing.
Carter: What's his name?
Luke: I don't know his name, he buy no shit from me.
Carter: You don't know his name? Damn, no one knows his name.
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